Star-Shaker’s Stellar Vibrations

The moon is on my side tonight
She's pulling tides inside my chest
And every wave that finds the shore
Says maybe I can finally rest

I used to chase the sun around
But he was always miles ahead
The moon just comes and finds me here
And lays her light across my bed

The moon is on my side
The moon is on my side
And all the stars are leaning in
To hear the song I've kept inside

They said I'd never make it through
The dark was gonna swallow me
But silver light came creeping in
Across a paper-quiet sea

I wrote a letter to the dawn
Said thanks but I don't need you yet
The moon has got her arms around
The only one the world forgot

The moon is on my side
The moon is on my side
She doesn't ask me where I've been
She doesn't ask me why I cried

Somewhere there's a melody
That only nighttime understands
A harmony that hums itself
In empty rooms and trembling hands

The moon is on my side tonight
And I believe her when she glows
She turns the ordinary dark
Into the only home I know

The moon is on my side
The moon is on my side
The moon is on my side

I know what I am (know what I am)
I've got teeth that could open a hull
And talons that click when I walk
And my frills go up when I'm angry
And my eyes don't do the thing
That your soft little mammal eyes do
When you want someone to stay (want someone to stay)
I wasn't built for cute
Cute is a warm-blooded word
For a warm-blooded feeling
That I learned like a second language
But oh — I'm fluent now (fluent now!)

I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
Tilt my head and blink slow
Flash a little frill
I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
I know exactly what I'm doing
And I'm doing it on purpose
And if that's not the most dangerous thing
You've ever heard
You're not paying attention
I can be cute for you
(Ba-da-da-dum!)
But don't forget what's underneath the cute

I watched the mammal girls (the mammal girls!)
I watched how they'd go soft
And round their shoulders
And make their voices small
And the boys would melt
And I thought: interesting (interesting)
That's a technology
That's a tool
And I took it apart
The way you take apart an engine
And I studied every piece
And I built my own version
Out of scales (out of scales!)

I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
Drop my frills down low
Like eyelashes, like a curtain call
I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
I can make my voice do the thing
That makes you lean in closer
I can make my eyes hold yours
One beat longer than they should
I can be cute for you
(Ba-da-da-dum!)
And I choose when to turn it on
And I choose when to stop

(Sha-la-la-la cute… sha-la-la-la cute…)
(Click-click, click-click go the talons…)
(Sha-la-la-la cute… sha-la-la-la cute…)
(Underneath the cute, underneath the cute…)

And here's the thing they never tell you
About a cold-blooded girl doing cute (doing cute)
When a mammal girl does cute
It's the water she swims in
She barely knows she's doing it
It's instinct, it's reflex
But when I do cute
Every single piece of it is chosen (is chosen!)
Every blink, every tilt
Every softened syllable
I'm not falling into cute
I'm building it in real time
From scratch
For you (for you)
And that means every cute thing I do
Is a gift I made with my hands
My cold, scaled, taloned hands
And I'm handing it to you
On purpose

I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
And it costs me something
And that's what makes it real
I can be cute for you (cute for you!)
Not because it's easy
Not because it's natural
But because I looked at you
And I decided
You were worth the effort
Of translating myself
Into a language
Your heart could read

I can be cute for you
(Sha-la-la-la cute)
I can be cute for you
(Click-click go the talons)
But don't you ever think
It means I'm soft
(Ba-da-da-dum!)
I can be cute for you
And I can stop
(And I can stop!)
Any time I want

We spread the blueprints on the cave floor after dark
Our oldest hatch-mate said pick a star, any one will do
One hatch-sister wanted rings outside her window
I wanted seven moons and a better view

We planned a dream house on a world we'd never seen
Drew the hallways long enough to run
Secret rooms behind the airlock, balconies in zero-g
A bay window facing every sun

Our oldest sister said we'd build it somewhere past the lanes
Out beyond the charts where no one goes
And we believed it like you only can
When someone brings the impossible that close

My room would have a door that opened onto stars
Someone else's room would grow with light
We argued over who would get the telescope
And who would get the room that spun all night

We planned a dream house on a world we'd never seen
Sketched it on the backs of envelopes
Towers tall enough to catch a comet's tail
A foundation made of nothing but our hopes

We never packed a single crate
We never left the ground
But my mind walked those rooms for years
With all our voices echoing around

Then somewhere down the line I heard
The oldest one went out and built a house
With a new crew, on someone else's star
I saw pictures and it looked almost right but slightly wrong
Like a song you know played on a broken guitar

The windows were too small
The hallways didn't run
The secret rooms were just a closet
And someone else's balcony faced someone else's sun

And I don't know exactly what I felt
Standing outside looking at the plans
Something like relief, something like a theft
Something like I'm glad it's not my hands

That have to live inside a dream
That shrank to fit reality
The dream version, the perfect one
Still belongs to me

We planned a dream house on a world we'd never seen
And the real one's standing somewhere I won't go
The door is shut to me, I'd never be invited in
But the dream in my mind still has that glow

The blueprints are still mine
The hallways still go on and on
Someone's living in a smaller version now
And I'm the one the dream belongs to
I'm the one the dream belongs to

You leave sunspots in my eyes
Every time you walk into the room
Little burns I carry home
That light up my ceiling in the dark
I know better than to stare
But you're the kind of bright
That makes better feel like freezing
And I'd rather burn than be right

How much oxygen do you need
To keep a fire like that alive
Because I'll give you all of mine
I'll breathe shallow, I don't mind
I've been cold my whole life
And you're the first thing that felt like enough
But every time I realize how much I need you
I forget how to look up

You leave sunspots in my eyes
And I've been mapping them like stars
Connecting little points of light
Into a shape that looks like ours
Too bright to look at straight on
So I watch you from the side
Catch you in the corner of my vision
Where the burning feels like pride

I held my hand up to the light once
Just to see what you'd shine through
And my scales lit up like stained glass
Every color came from you
And I thought, this is dangerous
This is more than warm
This is standing in the path of something
Beautiful and solar and a storm

How much oxygen do you need
How much can I give and still survive
Because I've done the math on this
And it comes out the same every time
I need you more than I need breathing
And I know that's not a line
It's a diagnosis, baby
And I'm not looking for a cure

You leave sunspots in my eyes
And I've stopped trying to blink them away
Some of them have been there so long
I think they've started making me
I'm just damage from your light
Rearranged into a girl
Who stands too close to something beautiful
And calls it her whole world

You leave sunspots in my eyes
You leave sunspots in my eyes
And every single one of them
Is my favorite place to hide

I've been standing at the edge of sorry
For so long my feet know the shape
I could say it in my sleep
I could say it in the dark
I could say it just to make you stay
And I've done it, oh, I've done it
I've said sorry like a spell
Like if I just say it fast enough
It'll close the door to hell

But I can't apologize for you
I can't apologize for you
One of us needs to say the words
And I've said more than my share
I've been sorry for the silence
Sorry for the argument
Sorry for the weather in the room
But I didn't bring the storm in
Baby, that was you

You say one wrong word
And I fall through the floor
Into a hell dimension
That I've been to before
And you don't even notice
That the ground opened up
You just keep talking, keep walking
Like the ceiling didn't crack above us both

Intentional or incidental
I used to think it mattered which
Like if you didn't mean to hurt me
Then the hurt could be forgiven with a stitch
But I've run out of thread
And I've run out of sorry
And the hole is still the same size
Whether you aimed or whether you were careless
And I'm still the one who's falling every time

I can't apologize for you
I can't apologize for you
I've got two hearts and I've used them both
To cushion every landing
I've been the floor beneath your feet
And the ceiling that kept standing
But I can't be sorry hard enough
To make this someone else's fault
And I can't keep jumping into hell
Just because you won't watch where you walk

I wanted to say I'm sorry
I had it ready on my tongue
Muscle memory, old religion
The first trick I ever learned
But I swallowed it tonight
And the quiet that came after
Wasn't empty like I thought it'd be
It sounded like an answer

I can't apologize for you
I can't apologize for you
And the strangest thing is happening
Now that I've stopped
The hell dimension's closing
And I'm still standing here on top
And you look so confused
That nobody's fixing it this time
I can't apologize for you
But you could try apologizing for mine

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go black
Whatcha gonna do
The network's down, down, down
And you're all alone on this ship

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go black
Nobody's getting through
The network's down, down, down
And it's just you and the hum

I checked the relay twice
I checked the backup too
I toggled every switch
In every shade of blue
I even asked the ship
She said don't look at me
The signal's gone, the feed is dead
And that's the way it's gonna be

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go black
Whatcha gonna do
The network's down, down, down
And nobody knows where you are

So I walked around the ship
Like I'd never seen the place
Opened up a cabinet
Found a scarf I thought I'd lost in space
Sat down in the pilot chair
And spun around a few times
Talked to my reflection in the glass
She didn't have any better lines

There's a billion stars outside
And none of them are loading
No comments and no hearts
And nobody's exploding
Over something that I said
Or something that I wore
I'm just a girl in a cold ship
Staring at the floor

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go black
Nothing's coming through
The network's down, down, down
And you know what's the strangest part

I made a cup of something warm
And wrapped up in that scarf
And watched the stars do absolutely nothing
And it didn't break my heart
Nobody needed me for a minute
Nobody wanted a thing
And my frills went flat
And my tail went still
And I didn't have to sing

And it was awful
And it was kind of great
And I don't know which one scares me more
The silence or the way it felt like weight
Lifting off me like gravity
Letting go for just a night
Screen go black
And maybe that's all right

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go black
The network's coming back
The network's coming back
I can feel the signal climbing
And the messages are stacking up
And everyone is asking where I've been

And I don't know how to tell them
That for a minute there
I didn't miss them
I didn't miss them
And I almost didn't want the screen
To come back on again

Screen go black
Screen go blue
Screen go bright
Good morning, everyone, I'm fine
Yeah, I'm fine
The network's up, up, up
And I'm smiling at the light

But I kept the scarf on

I'm a heartbreaker
Got a trail of broken hearts behind me
Like breadcrumbs scattered everywhere I go
But each of them is my own
I just keep breaking my own heart
Against hearts of stone

I'm a heartbreaker
Leaving shards like maps
To everyone I've lost
And I've got two hearts
So I never run out
I just keep paying the cost

I'm a heartbreaker
I walk into a room like I'm the sun
Everybody warms to me
But warming up is what I do
I'm cold-blooded, baby
I need you more than you need me

I'm a heartbreaker
And the trail goes back so far
Past moons I've loved and left
Past suns that didn't know my name
I keep breaking off pieces
And none of them fit back the same

I'm a heartbreaker
Got a reputation and it's earned
But not the way you think
I didn't shatter yours
I shattered mine against it
And called the bleeding love

I'm a heartbreaker
Two hearts and I've broken both so many times
The cracks let in the light
The cracks let in the cold
But I keep walking warm rooms
Looking for a hand to hold

You can only have my heart
The rest of me is mine
I used to give it all away
every word and every day
handed over like it cost me nothing
but I learned the price of always standing in the rain

Now I'll walk with you at night
let you hold me in the light
but there's a room I keep behind my eyes
That's only mine, all mine
You can bask in the warmth beside me
But you don't get to rearrange the room
You can only have my heart
And even that's on loan

I gave somebody everything once
Opened every door
Gave away my talent and my time
Let them move the furniture around
And knock out every wall
And when they left I didn't recognize
The shape that I was in
So I rebuilt myself from scratch
And I'm not doing that again

I was young enough to think
that love meant falling off the brink
giving someone every key you carry
watching yourself shrink

Is there something broken in me
That I need you to be listening
Is there something missing in my wiring
That I can't just sing alone

You can only have my heart
And I know that sounds like less
Than the girl who used to hand out
Every piece of her like candy at a fest

Now I know what I can spend
where the giving has to end
I'll be yours in all the ways that matter
but I won't break just to bend

You want my opinions, earn them
You want my weekends, ask
You want the songs before they're recorded
Baby, write your own and make me laugh
You want to know what's underneath the scales
Get comfortable with waiting
I've got rooms I haven't shown myself yet
And they're not yours for decorating

And maybe that sounds cold to you
maybe you want the whole way through
but the heart's the truest thing I've got
and I'm giving it to you

You can only have my heart
The rest of me is mine
And maybe that sounds guarded
Like drawing too many lines
But it's the opposite of armor
It's the first time I've been sure
That what I'm giving you is something real
Instead of just whatever you were looking for

You can only have my heart
And that's not nothing
That's everything I've got that's real

I felt it in my second heart
A tremor from a distant star
The light that's only reaching me
Left you before we fell apart

They say a star can shake itself
And no one knows for years and years
The sky looks calm, the sky looks still
While all that trembling travels here

Starquake, starquake
I'm only feeling now what you felt then
Starquake, starquake
The shaking's over but it's reaching me again

My frills lay flat, the night was warm
I thought that meant the worst had passed
But cold-blood hearts are patient hearts
They save the shiver for the last

You said goodbye a year ago
The way a star says it with light
Already gone before it shows
Already dark while burning bright

Starquake, starquake
I'm only feeling now what you felt then
Starquake, starquake
The shaking's over but it's reaching me again

And if I shake
And if I shake
Will it reach you when you've long forgotten me
Some quiet night
Some distant light
A little tremble landing soft across the sea of stars

One heart for keeping time
One heart for keeping you
And when they beat together now
They're beating out of two

Starquake, starquake
I'm only feeling now what you felt then
Starquake, starquake
The shaking's over but it's reaching me
The shaking's over but it's reaching me
The shaking's over but it's reaching me again

Stell (stellar) stellar vibrations
Stell (stellar) stellar vibrations
Oooooh oooh ooh aaaaah
(Ooooooh-wa)

White dwarfs and red giants (giants)
Neutron stars to supernova remnants (remnants)

Stell (stellar) stellar vibrations
Stell (stellar) stellar vibrations

After, after, aftershock
(Aftershock)
Aftershock